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It’s usually easier to spot values in someone else before you can learn to spot them in yourself. If someone you know never answers their phone but rather lets the machine take a message, there could be a “privacy” value in there. Here are a few scenarios that show values of different people. Take a few minutes to think about people’s reaction to his or her situation and pick out their values. They show up when you look.

Jessica is a 28-year-old senior software engineer. She is very focused on her career and came to coaching to learn how to advance in her company. Most of her time is spent at work, 60-70 hours/week, and on weekends she “zones” in front of the TV. She is putting on weight and grinds her teeth at night, yet she defines stress as “evidence that you have a life.” She would like to own a home, but spends her discretionary income on techno-toys and fast food.

Joe is a paralegal in a large insurance company and hates his job. He also teaches part time at a university and loves it. He came to coaching to transition into teaching full-time. On weekends, Joe coaches one of his son’s soccer teams and travels all over the state for tournaments. He also has a collection of military pewter soldiers and gets up early in the morning every day to paint them in minute detail.

But how do you know what your values are? Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

When you have identified as many values as you can, prioritize them. List them in a way that feels comfortable to you. When you have your prioritized list, take the top ten and rate them according to how much you honor that value in you life. Use a scale of 1-10 with 1 being never, and 10 being always.

What you may find will be surprising. You may want to enlist the aid of a coach to help you come up with action items to bring your life into more alignment with these values. A coach can help you stay focused and hold you accountable.


Values Clarification Exercise by Debra DeVilbiss It’s usually easier to spot values in someone else before you can learn to spot them in yourself. If someone you know never answers their phone but rather lets the machine take a message, there could be a “privacy” value in there. Here are a few scenarios that show values of different people. Take a few minutes to think about people’s reaction to his or her situation and pick out their values. They show up when you look. Jessica is a 28-year-old senior software engineer. She is very focused on her career and came to coaching to learn how to advance in her company. Most of her time is spent at work, 60-70 hours/week, and on weekends she “zones” in front of the TV. She is putting on weight and grinds her teeth at night, yet she defines stress as “evidence that you have a life.” She would like to own a home, but spends her discretionary income on techno-toys and fast food. Joe is a paralegal in a large insurance company and hates his job. He also teaches part time at a university and loves it. He came to coaching to transition into teaching full-time. On weekends, Joe coaches one of his son’s soccer teams and travels all over the state for tournaments. He also has a collection of military pewter soldiers and gets up early in the morning every day to paint them in minute detail. Your Values But how do you know what your values are? Here are a few questions you can ask yourself: What makes you really, really angry? There’s a value underneath that is being trampled. Recall a peak moment in your life. What are the important elements that caused that feeling of elation? Your values are being honored there. Write your obituary. List not only what you did but also who you were. Ask your close family members, or friends that know you very well what values they see in you. Check your inner knowing when they give your answers to be sure the value is yours and not one being projected onto you. Metaphorically, board a hot air balloon and rise above your life. From this height, where are your bright spots? There are values being honored there. Conversely, the unhappy places have values that are not being honored. When you have identified as many values as you can, prioritize them. List them in a way that feels comfortable to you. When you have your prioritized list, take the top ten and rate them according to how much you honor that value in you life. Use a scale of 1-10 with 1 being never, and 10 being always. What you may find will be surprising. You may want to enlist the aid of a coach to help you come up with action items to bring your life into more alignment with these values. A coach can help you stay focused and hold you accountable. Back to top