Vol 4 Iss 10

I’ve decided that Fall is my third favorite season. Spring is first with the freshness of leaf buds and the smell of mud. Summer is second with camping and hiking and playing in the park with my grandkids. Winter is last not only because I really don’t like to be cold, I think icy sidewalks and streets are scary dangerous. It does have beautiful moments, but one of the seasons has to be last.

So that leaves autumn as third. It has its own special beauty: the warm color scheme, pumpkins stacked at roadside farm stands, fields of standing corn stalks, crisp apples, and roadside vegetable stands. I love it too for the invitation to reflect. There is something about the shorter days and the whiff of coolness in the air that harkens hot chocolate with marshmallows and journaling. Time now to examine who you are and who you want to be.

This month’s article focuses on one powerful way you can grow yourself. Much of coaching is focused on self-care, and moving forward, and balance in your life. This month, I’m inviting you to look a little deeper and to begin a new habit that will truly make you a better person – for the long run.

If you’d like a partner to work with you to make changes in your life, I can help you with that. Fall is the time to begin.

“He who cannot change the very fabric of his thoughts will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress.”

I read once that gut reactions and automatic responses, if left unexamined, will control your life. Isn’t that powerful? Think about it. When you are overlooked, say for a job promotion, and your automatic response is to be resentful, that would have a long-term effect on how your whole life comes out.

You can choose your response.

People typically react in one of three ways – fight, flight, or freeze. Those are automatic responses. What I’ve observed about myself is I lean toward flight. If a situation becomes uncomfortable for me, my first reaction is to run away. As I observed how that response sabotages me, I forced myself to learn to have the difficult conversations that I previously avoided. Now I ask myself when I want to run if that is really the best solution, or just my automatic response.

I once had a co-worker that responded to feedback by freezing. A word from her supervisor left her paralyzed. If the two of you disagreed on how a project should proceed, she would just stop talking. Then a couple of days later, you’d get a long rambling e-mail proving to her satisfaction that she was right and you were wrong. How far do you think that reaction got her in her career? She didn’t even know how self-destructive her behavior was.

When you step away from the story of an event and simply observe how you reacted, you can begin to create space between the stimulating event and your response. That space is a powerful ally for you. In that space, you can decide what action is appropriate. You can choose your response. If you typically respond with anger, you could find a way to vent your anger in another way, and come back to the situation with a more level head.

What I am not advocating is judgment. When you judge yourself, you will always end up wrong. Every time. Self-criticism is often an automatic response as well, and it’s rarely useful. If you’re putting your energy into beating yourself up for an automatic response, how will you ever find the space to change your response?

The very act of stepping out of a situation and observing how you react can have amazing results. Just observe your response. When that even occurred, how did you feel? What did you want to do? What DID you do? What was the impact? How is the situation now because of your response? What would you do differently next time? How can you create space to formulate an appropriate response?

Take some time and write out your answers to those questions. Use the keyboard on your computer to access both sides of your brain. Or, use the RH/LH method and write the question with your dominant hand and the answers with your non-dominant hand.

The more time you spend in observation and self reflection, the more growth you will experience. And the more growth you experience, the more you can bring your true gifts to light and contribute in a meaningful way. You can change your reality by changing the fabric of your thoughts. And the time to begin is now.

You are free to use material from Moving Forward! in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including a live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read:

"By Debra DeVilbiss, CPCC, of Forward Momentum, LLC. Please visit Debra's website at http://www.ForwardMomentum.com for additional articles and resources on creating your right livelihood."

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