Vol 3 Iss 10

I’m so excited to bring you news of a couple of former clients. W, who I wrote about in last month’s newsletter, has arrived in Mexico and has begun her training. She sends an update a few days a week and sounds very happy and challenged. What a transformed life she is living!

Another client, Jim, send an e-mail with the subject line: completed doctorate. Here’s what he had to say:

“I wanted to let you know that I have completed my “terminal degree.” [Of course, there were time when I thought it would actually be terminal ;o) ]. I successfully defended my dissertation last Friday.

You should also know that I firmly believe that without your help, I never would have begun this process. You helped me to realize that my current situation was making me “crazy” and I needed to make a change.

My gremlins have kicked up quite a fuss over the past three years, but they are a little quieter now. Our chats helped to bring into focus what it is that I needed to do.

I do not believe that I can thank you enough for all of you help!!!”

Thank YOU, Jim. There is no greater satisfaction for a coach than to see their clients move forward toward their dreams. The coach helps, but the client deserves the credit for making it happen. I am honored to be a witness and am humbled by the amazing strength in my clients.

So, bottom line: You Too Can Transform Your Life. Give me a call and we can talk about what that might mean for YOU.

Many times people don’t even consider making the effort to change careers until they are slapped on the side of the head by a layoff. Friday afternoon comes and suddenly you are told that your job has ended and you have no place to go to Monday morning. Your source of income (and benefits) is gone. Just gone.

For years, I worked with people that were handed their pink slip on Friday and were sitting in my Job Seeking Skills Workshop a week later. From this experience, I learned that people process through this rough change in similar ways. It’s useful to know the process in case you’re ever faced with it, or to give comfort if someone close you has to go through it.

The good news is that you have now been presented an opportunity for amazing growth, and the bad news is that you didn’t get to choose your timing.

Many times the employee will know it’s coming. They see the handwriting on the wall, but they don’t really believe it will happen to them. Sometimes, they get the layoff notice far in advance and they spend their time networking within their own company thinking they can transfer to a new position. That occasionally works, but not enough to count on it.

When the pink slip is presented, they have two distinct, simultaneous reactions: elation and dread. These two emotions toggle back and forth, oftentimes in the course of five minutes! That is the hallmark of this initial period – conflicting emotions.

Many times people are angry and spend a lot of time blaming the company, or that elusive entity called “management.” Sometimes the anger is at themselves and they feel like a loser. The anger can show up inappropriately, sometimes directed at loved ones, or even in a job interview. They take it out on themselves by doing self-destructive things. Actually, any addictive behavior (TV, cigarettes, alcohol, sugar, caffeine, working, etc) will kick into overdrive during this period.

The other reaction, elation, shows up by a total disregard for being productive. The heel-clicking settles into sleeping late, half-hearted surfs on the internet and long aimless strolls. It’s like they’re on permanent vacation. Friends and loved ones are concerned because they think they now have a deadbeat on their hands.

After the initial reaction, however, routine sets in. You are in what William Bridges calls the “empty space” between an ending and a new beginning. It feels weird and you feel disconnected from reality. Everyone around you seems so…normal.

In this empty space, there are several activities that are useful for everyone:

Find support. You are not alone and there is a great deal of value in finding others going through the same process as you. Do not, however, join a pity party. You need people around you that can offer support and share tips on employers, resumes, job leads, etc. Look in your local newspaper or contact the local Workforce Center to find these groups.

Use the time to learn more about yourself. If you can find the services of a career counselor or career coach, do it. Use the resources of the library and actually DO the exercises in the self-help books. Write a mission statement.

Take really good care of yourself. Be aware of your habits. Pay attention to structuring your day, your diet and your exercise routine. Drink plenty of water and breathe deeply. Turn off the TV and go to sleep at night. David Letterman and Jay Leno will get along fine without you. :-D

As you process through this empty space, you will learn more about what will satisfy you in the next step in your career. Whether you find a different job doing the same thing, or decide to switch gears completely, the decision is based more on what is true about you and less on what is expected of you. You’re finding the grain in your own wood.

Sometimes people go through this process in a matter of weeks. More likely, though, it will take several months and can even last a few years (!). Not everyone has the resources to last that long, so an interim stop-gap job serves that purpose. That’s a no-brainer job that brings in a little cash but doesn’t use up a lot of brain power. The risk is that the stop-gap will turn into a sidetrack. The trick is to set the intention that this job is only to fill in until you’re clear on what’s truly going to satisfy you.

If you are the loved one of someone going through this process, please know that they will get though it. It does have an end. Watch for signs of depression, a real possibility if lack of sleep is an issue. Try to suspend judgment by focusing your effort on taking care of yourself first and trusting that your loved one can manage. Encourage them to find appropriate support outside of your relationship. It is really too much to be the only confident for the long haul.

I cannot tell you how many people have come back to me after this process telling me that this was the best thing that ever happened to them, even though they were kicking and screaming at the time. It’s like the caterpillar in a cocoon. It’s safe and warm and dreamy, but there comes a time when they have to crack the shell and break free. It’s hard work and often painful in some ways, but when you’ve done the work – wow, you're now a beautiful creature that flies.

You are free to use material from Moving Forward! in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including a live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read:

"By Debra DeVilbiss, CPCC, of Forward Momentum, LLC. Please visit Debra's website at http://www.ForwardMomentum.com for additional articles and resources on creating your right livelihood."

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