Vol 2 Iss 11

So, Halloween is over and we’re starting to make plans for the winter holidays. My daughter-in-law sent out an e-mail to our extended family to start the gathering-around-the-holiday-table plans. It’s getting to be that time of year already.

Is it just me or is time going by really quickly? Seems we just started the New Year and now winter is upon us. Soon it will be 2006. So many plans put in place for the year, some were completed, some in process and some unfulfilled.

Now is a really good time to take stock of how things are progressing for you. If there are goals still pending on your list, what’s stopping you?

This month’s article is not related too much to career change, but rather perspective change. If we can shift the way we expect the world to behave, we open more possibilities and opportunities. I hope you find it interesting.

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“I believe that so much more is possible if we can be together and consciously look for the differences, those ideas and perspectives we find disturbing.

Instead of sitting in a group and looking for confirmation, what is possible if we listen for disturbance? Instead of looking for safety in numbers and noting those who feel like allies or fellow travelers, what might we create if we seek to discover those whose insights are the most different from ours? What if, at least occasionally, we came together in order to change our mind?”

Next week, I’m traveling to San Jose to attend the annual International Coach Federation Conference. I can’t wait to get back to my tribe. My way of being is to accept people for who they are. I believe that you are naturally creative, resourceful and whole and don’t need to be fixed. Imagine 1600 people like that in one place. It’s not exactly a love fest, but you certainly feel a different sort of energy in that environment.

I chose Margaret Wheatley’s quote for this month to challenge me in this environment. Being with people I generally agree with is easy, being with people that challenge my intellect with new ideas is fun, but looking for differences? That doesn’t sound so easy.

What makes it challenging is the paradigm we live in expects someone to be right and someone to be wrong. If I find someone whose ideas disagree with my view of things, the natural impulse is to dig deeper into my position and find ways to make them wrong. And of course, they are doing the same thing with me. Then emotions begin to escalate because the other person is just not getting it. Next thing you know, we’re not being very nice to each other.

Isn’t that fun? Yeek. You see it all the time.

So what Wheatley is speaking about is a different way of living, a different perspective of the world. Rather than finding ways to make each other wrong and increasing hostility, what if we sought out ideas that we disagree with and really listened? What’s possible from here?

What if there is another way to be in the world, but we can’t see it because we are entrenched in being right? It has been proven that what does not fit your belief system, you do not perceive.

A perfect example of that is the watch-making industry. The finest watches in the world were made by the Swiss, yet the invention of the quartz crystal decimated the watchmaking industry.

Do you know who invented quartz crystal watches? The Swiss. But their belief system told them that it was just a novelty and nothing would ever surpass the superiority of a fine Swiss watch. They were so entrenched in this belief that they didn’t even bother to patent it. It was put on display at their conference in 1968, the Japanese walked by, and BOOM – watchmakers pumping gas.

Isn’t that interesting?

Or how about this: take a deck of playing cards and alter a few cards of hearts and diamonds by coloring them black, and color a few cards of clubs and spades red. Mix them up with regular cards and show them one at a time to someone fairly quickly. They won’t see the altered cards. Try it. It takes a very long time to perceive those cards. I’ve done it. They just don’t fit your belief system. You do not see them. You do not perceive them at all.

What else are we not seeing? How is this right/wrong paradigm blinding us?

So, here’s a challenge for you (and me!). Look for things you disagree with. Listen to news analysts that you think are full of bunk. Get in conversation with the tattooed, pierced kid next door. Or, if you are a tattooed, pierced kid, then converse with the straight-laced accountant next door.

Just listen. You don’t have to convince them of anything, and you don’t have to try to change them. Just listen. Notice your mental responses and how your body reacts. Listen to understand, not to pick holes in their argument or with the expectation that you will be listened to. Just listen. Listen deeply. (You don’t HAVE to change, it’s just an experiment.)

Dionne Warwick sang “What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.” How do you know someone loves you? They listen to you. Your words mean something to them.

Just listen. Spread a little love, baby.

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"By Debra DeVilbiss, CPCC, of Forward Momentum, LLC. Please visit Debra's website at http://www.ForwardMomentum.com for additional articles and resources on creating your right livelihood."

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