Vol 1 Iss 20

Well, looks like fall has made its appearance here in Colorado. We've had a couple of rainy, cool days that knocked off all the beautiful Aspen leaves in the high country a little early.

We were fortunate to see the gorgeous color on our way home from our Southest trip last week. There is something delicate and tender about watching a quaking Aspen's leaves quivering in the breeze, especially when it's a vividly golden color lit from behind by the sun.

And if you ever get to Utah, don't miss Bryce Canyon. It is stunning. That was the highlight of our trip. I must admit, though, we did foray briefly into Las Vegas since I'd never been before. It was blisteringly hot and I couldn't wait to get away from all the hype. Isn't it interesting what attracts different people?

Speaking of differences in people, I've been keeping track of my globe-trotting daughter through the World Smart News Journal. There is such diversity in the students and their experiences. If you would like to read a few of the articles that the students have written, and look at some of the pictures highlighting their experiences, follow this link:

http://www.upwithpeople.org/pageinpage/2004studentnewsletters.cfm

In the fourth issue, there is a great picture of my daughter, Anne, and her beau, Brian. He's tying a bracelet onto her arm. They are in the middle of their trip, just left Canada for Japan. They'll be in Japan for 6 weeks, then the last 6 weeks in Europe.

It's interesting how people react when they're in the "middle." The article below is about being in the muddy murky middle of a career change, and the Career Tip will offer more concrete ideas on how to take care of yourself in that space.

I had a great conversation with a client yesterday who is in the middle of an interesting career change. He's taking his skills from 15 years as a mechanical engineer and using those talents to design jewelry. Still employed at the J-O-B, yet fully engaged in custom design and internet marketing, he referred to himself as being in the "muddy, murky, middle."

I know just how he feels, don't you? Still wearing the trappings of the old life, yet your heart has left the building. Feels like slogging through mud and it seems the world is conspiring to slow you down.

What he's living and describing is a stage in what William Bridges named a "life transition." Bridges asserts that there is an "ending," a "beginning," and "the neutral zone (the space between)" that occurs in every adult transition. In 1980, he wrote the landmark book in adult transition theory called Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes.

When you are in the middle, life is really weird. When I went through this process, I remember looking at people in the grocery store and thinking "they're so normal. When will I feel normal again?" Being in the middle is like floating two feet off the ground all the time. You never feel really centered or fixed in space. My theory is that 85% of all self-help books are read by people in this stage looking for what's real.

The muddy murky middle is a rich valuable place to be, albeit scary. You're letting go of the person you used to be and finding the person you really are. You're scraping off the paint and finding the grain in your own wood. That can and should take time; time for reflection and time for trying out new thoughts and behaviors.

It helps to have a partner (a coach, a trusted friend, a therapist) to travel this with you, but I would caution leaning too heavily on your spouse or significant other. They have a huge investment in the outcome and it's difficult for them to maintain objectivity. Certainly confide and be transparent with them, but don't expect them to fully support your latest idea to raise goats in Tibet.

Please, if you are in this space, give yourself permission to be a little flaky. It's allowed. There are also things you can do to take care of yourself and keep yourself somewhat grounded. In the Career Tips I have listed specific actions you can take to nurture yourself while you're in the muddy, murky midde.

As a Career Coach, I can be your partner through this process. Please contact me at debra@forwardmomentum.com for more information!

Under certain conditions,

when the moon in the western sky

seems frozen there, for instance

even as the sun is rising in the east,

so that soon two sides of the coin

will be facing each other;

which is a stranger here

fills our trees with its cold flowers;

bluejay at the feeder

it could be enameled there,

then the earth becomes an emblem

for whatever we believe.

In this society, when there is an empty space, our first inclination is to fill it. Our group paradigm equates "empty" with "lack" and that's not a tolerable thing in the western culture. The empty spot on the wall needs a picture, the empty space in the garage needs a new car, or boat, or the "toy du jour." If it's empty, fill 'er up.

The same thing happens when you are going through a life transiton. The inclination is to fill up the empty space - quickly. Empty is nearly intolerable.

Yet, the empty space is where our richest learning occurs. Many times our deepest desire during this stage is to get away. Borrow a friend's cabin for a long weekend and hibernate alone. Go for a long hike by yourself. Take a trip to the beach and stare at the waves. Our bodies and minds know what we need, and it's the exact opposite of our culture's message. No wonder this is such a tough time!

When you're in the Neutral Zone, here are some things that may help:

1. It's OK to do nothing. Give yourself permission to stare straight ahead, you may be incapable of anything else. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's natural - it's NORMAL. You don't have to DO anything. Really. Just BE.

2. Watch your indulgences. When the inclination to fill up the space hits, the first thing we humans grab are things that are probably not good for us. Sugar, alcohol, cigarettes, caffiene, TV, all the normal addictions. Whatever your fallback vice is, it will magnify itself during this stage if you don't pay attention.

3. Move around. If you need to stare straight ahead, do it while you're walking around the block. Or borrow someone's dog to walk if you need an excuse. Keeping your body in motion benefits you physically and mentally. It keeps the endorphins circulating in your bloodstream.

4. Feel your feelings. Neurotransmitters released during an emotion can actually physically shift your mental state. So if you feel the emotion of disappointment, the sinking feeling you have will eventually segue into acceptance - if you allow yourself to fully feel it. When you resist or deny emotions, you lose the powerful energy source of your body.

5. Express yourself creatively. Write. Journal. Write poetry. Paint. Sketch. Play with clay. Dance. Take pictures. Sew. Tat. Knit. Make music. Give yourself permission to experiment with art forms you never experienced before. Stretch your possibilities.

Let me know how it goes for you!

This fall I am beginning a new teaching relationship with Hyland Hills Recreation District in Westminster, Colorado. They have a long-standing program of offering quality classes to their public and I'm honored to be a part of it. To find out more about Hyland Hills and their programs, and how to register, click here .

Help! I Need a Different Job

Tuesday Oct 5 and Tuesday Oct. 12, 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm

Learn the process of discovering your next career step, whether it's a different job or a brand new career. We'll look at defining what work suits you best, job search strategies, and action plans. You'll learn how to research and approach the companies you'll be happiest working for and how to network to find that company.

For the full listing of workshops, visit www.forwardmomentum.com.

You are free to use material from Moving Forward! in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution, including a live web site link. Please also notify me where the material will appear. The attribution should read:

"By Debra DeVilbiss, CPCC, of Forward Momentum, LLC. Please visit Debra's website at http://www.ForwardMomentum.com for additional articles and resources on creating your right livelihood."

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